Friendship: Ideal foundation for love

Friendship lays a strong foundation for love. If you want to win your lady's heart, you could either take the fast, aggressive approach of telling her upfront you like her or opt for the slow but treacherous path of friendship. If you are the type of person who'd rather cut to the chase and profess love right away, you'll get your yes or no much sooner and upfront. If it's a yes, then it's a sweet victory in so much less a time for you. If it's a no, it still is a win as it saves you the time and the effort to instead go after and pursue the right girl who'd give you your yes. Just remember, there will always be a yes buried in thousands of nos. Now if you're the type who'd rather invest your time getting to know the girl you like, spending the time with her, doing activities typical friends do; basically anything short of branding yourself a suitor, a lover and the likes, then choose the path of friendship. The treacherous yet rewarding path of friendship. Why treacherous, you say? One word. Friendzone. In here, you play a dangerous game of digging a deep enough friendship that's neither too shallow nor way far down the surface enough to cave in on you lending you stuck in the wicked world of friendzone, which is a nasty, nasty place. It is a place you don't want to be in so striking the right balance between too shallow and too deep a friendship is crucial. So what do you do? First, of course, approach her and introduce yourself in a friendly, but not overfriendly, manner. Meaning not too casual to leave zero impression, for she'll forget your name the next time you meet; but not too creepy to scare her away, for she'll remember your face 'til kingdom come. Again, strike the right balance. As I said, this is crucial. Now that you've introduced yourself, don't hang around and start "being" friends with her. Let it settle, let it steam. Wait it out, do other stuff for a couple of days. As one of my favorite TV characters pointed out, "even Jesus waited three days before he resurrected, so do so as well". After 3 days, or well, realistically the next day, talk to her but not excitedly, all right. Casual, that's the key. Now if she remembers your name that's when you'll know that you made an impact on your first meet, which should definitely light up your face and paint a huge smile on it, only it should not so don't appear to be exhilarated. Always remember the operative word, casual. Now this is the time, my friend, to start to be friends with her. To be friends with her, and with her other girl friends. You heard that right. Girls love to be with other girls. They hang out together and do stuff together, so the girl you like probably shall have a bunch of her own girl friends and if your lucky, you'll get introduced to them. Now remember the building the foundation of friendship thing I mentioned, this is one situation where if you react incorrectly, you'll dig your shovel a little too far down, way closer to the friendzone, which is a nasty, nasty place you don't want to be in. So maybe, as my other TV favorite had put it, your best course would be to tread lightly. How? say hi. And smile. That's it. Do not engage her friends too much, atleast not just yet. Turn your attention back to her and strike a conversation, a casual conversation. Just like how a new friend would talk to a new friend, light, funny--just so you could flash a stunning smile or two, if you're gifted with killer smiles. Talk lightly about anything but her social number. Again, casual. Do these things ever so often, every chance you get, every time you "incidentally" meet. Talk to her friends but talk more to her, spend time with her friends but spend even more time with her. Do not isolate her from her friends, immerse yourself instead. Eventually, you'll find yourself accepted, treated as one within her circle of friends. Now that you know her, she knows you and her friends know you, it's time to do your research. Ask around and find out what her likes are, her dislikes, her sports, the movies she watches, books she reads, her pets, her pet peeves, anything. Anything that would help you build a stronger foundation of your well, friendship. Who to ask, you say? Of course, your new friends. Her friends which has now become your also friends. Reach out to them, talk to them, bond with them, do what typical girl-boy friends do, in short befriend them. Do your reconnaissance casually, not obviously, so as not to raise suspicion. If you want to know her favorite food ask her friends which places they frequent pigging out, what sports they like to play. Here and there you'll get some drops and hints from them and know more about her and more importantly, them, your new friends. So be a true friend to them because later on they shall play a crucial role. Keep in mind that the way you treat them now will impact the way they'll treat you down the stretch. And if you're lucky, they'd all be likeable and fun to be with. You might ask me, would being friends with her and her friends render me closer to that nasty, nasty place of friendzone? If I’m friends with her friends, how do I now treat her differently? Now this, my friend, is where the difference between digging deeper into the friendzone versus landing right at the sweet spot of friends-which-could-be-more-than-friends is set. Many people are dragged into the friendzone for failing to realize when to quit being a truefriend-friend and when to start establishing the "I’m your friend, but I could be more than a friend"-friend until it's too late. So to duck this dreaded catastrophe, you need to shift from being a truefriend-friend(TFF)into a morethanafriend-friend MFF), the sooner the better. Here's how. First, treat her friends as how you'd treat your other friends but do not treat her the same. Meaning, if you spend time with her friends, you need to spend "extra" time with her. When you find her alone, talk to her. Use the information you've gathered from her friends. If you're any good with your ninja info gathering techniques, by now you should have known her likes and dislikes, her interests, her passion. Having known all of these allows you to handle the conversation with ease and confidence. Now go ahead and listen to her story. This is the time to dig deeper. Learn more about her straight from her, not her friends. This is when you delve a little bit into her personal side; her past experiences, things and people she hates, things and people she loves. However, look for cues. If at any point in your conversation you find her a bit uncomfortable, stop. If she likes you, she'll openly share things about herself you wouldn’t even have to ask. And if she likes you the way you like her, she'll tell you things she never told her friends before. That, my friend, should definitely light up your face and paint a huge smile on it, only this time you can freely show it as this marks the sweet transition from TFF to MFF. If you enjoy her company and you want to drag on the TFF part do so at your own liking and, of course, risk. But if you come to the point you decide to initiate the MFF phase, then, my friend, welcome to the last leg of the race. You may start asking her out to watch a movie, just you two alone. If your ninja moves are any good, you have had been joining her and her friends watching movies, playing basketball or tennis and any other "group" activities you were invited in, or you invited yourself in, in the last few months. See what I did there, invited yourself in. Start the transition from a TFF to MFF by doing these same activities minus both your other friends. Walk in the park, eat out, watch movies, see games, everything, but just the two of you. Remember what I said earlier about how you treat her friends will impact how they treat you later down the stretch? This is the "down the stretch" part and both your friends not minding you two alone doing what had been months ago group activities and be supportive of it, that means they approve of what you intend to do. Your intention of bringing it to the next level from being just a friend to being more. With the strong foundation you've built, having spent time knowing her and her friends, sharing activities and experiences with her and her friends and extricating yourself away from that nasty, nasty place, I'd say now is the time to pursue her. You basically have just laid the foundation for love. You have won her friends, now you need to win her heart. But that, my friend, I’ll leave up to you. How you would do it lies in you hands. Only thing you and I will share in this experience is the path you and I took, this treacherous yet rewarding path of friendship and making it a very good foundation for love. Of course, you and I could have chosen the easier way and save ourselves the time and all, but thank God we did not. From my personal experience, there was this one person I knew who took his shot and told the girl I like upfront his intention, only to fail miserably that I felt sorry for him. I could have easily been him, but I chose the other path, the long and treacherous path. And I’d say after all those cherished moments, fond memories and experiences we shared since we first met, I soon won her sweet yes. And as fate would have it twelve years later, her long awaited...I do.

the best feeling

her laugh broke the silence, as i was staring blankly at the silver screen. aware that a film was rolling, casting its light on to the wide hanging curtain, but it seemed to be exactly that. a light flashing on to the curtain. i just had no idea what the film was about. still mesmerized at what has happened, that, by fate or slight stroke of luck, i was with her, seated beside her, trying to keep calm, appearing to pay attention to the movie when all all i kept doing really was the opposite. I was surprised she'd say yes, that we'd watch a movie with her two best friends. that her friends backed out the last minute was beyond me. answered prayer or realized wishful thinking, the timing couldn't be more perfect. the movie was about two people fighting for their love or so what i surmised from the title. i couldn't help but chuckle looking back. i was that boy who for the first time had a date, well, not a date-date but a trip to the movie, with a lady i had embarassing crush on and so dumbstruck to act normally and just sitting there head towards the movie screen but eyes wandering on its side to catch but a glimpse of her watching intently, lovely really, that cheesy movie while i was just there sitting silently, dumbfoundedly, still grasping what was happening. then her laugh broke the silence, and I was in love.

bad ass: ain't braggin if you can back it up

so how was it, the exam. just me short of asking him, will you pass. yet, my brother knew me all too well. yes, i will pass. he responded. delivered with an eerie sense of certainty. that reassured me somewhat. my youngest brother, a soon-to-be lawyer. he smiled, and in  an attempt at humor said, i'm disappointed with how i did. fishing out for a curious "why is that," which i obligingly asked. "because i won't surely take the top spot" he responded with a familiar grin. then added, "perhaps I'll grab the sixth or seventh. no big deal". that last line i immediately dismissed as bragging. just his way of taking the stress of the exam off his system. so we went out with the family for a pig out celebrating the end of my brother's 6-month ordeal preparing for and taking the bar exam. what i and the entire family didn't know though was we're in for a huge surprise the minute the results were announced four months later.

i was in the middle of sleep when  a phone rung waking me up. phone clock said 12:30 pm. I picked it up, saw lex, my brother, was the one calling. "hello," i said over the cheering voices in the background. "lab nailed it, got 7th!." "Holy F," was what i afforded to say. dumbfounded. goosebumps manifesting all over my body. after talking to him i dialed my brother's number. "kuy?" he answered, obviously expecting me. "i am disappointed of you," i started, "why the hell not grab the 6th and just settled for the 7th?" I asked, trying to sound serious. "I apoligize he said, I did my best" trying too hard to suppress his jubilant emotion. then we laughed. i congratulated him. my brother, he passed the bar, grabbed 7th place, lawyer at 25. then it dawned on me. our conversation. how he said he might land the 6th or the 7th. reminded me of the dick line, it ain't bragging if you can back it up. he's one bad ass, to say the least.

sio pao

June 26, 2009

jumbo siopao asado’y nas’an. kinutkot nang marahan, kakarampot ang natikman. mandurugas. akala ko ay sulit pero di pala, sayang lang nagtinapay na lang sana. ‘kala ko espesyal ngunit di pala pero panu ba malalaman kung di ko bubuksan. subalit huli na ‘di ba, bayad ko wala na. parang tao rin pala di mawari hagga’t di lubos kilala. siopao ang panlabas, hangin lang ang laman sayang lang, nagtinapay na lng sana. bulaan.

paold

June 25, 2009

how are you paold? what’s with that blank stare? we barely talked the last time i rushed by and it had been just over a month ago. how was the arthritis? had been a pain in the ass i bet, i mean joints and all. i remember the brisk little baby steps that you’d do when walking. your hanky covering your forehead against the blinding noon light, i behind you, forced to walk in a relaxed, carefree manner careful not to outpace you while ton rushed ahead of us to the nearest shade and waited only to rush again to the next until we all reached home. you never fail to amuse me pa. you’re one heck of an old man. the smartest, wisest i’ve known. your thirst for knowledge was what i look up to, your love for numbers, general knowledge, literature. you were fond of humming classic bikol songs and declaiming poems as old as your white hair, reciting each line–spanish, english, bicol–word for word as vehemently as a theater artist. damn you knew them by heart. were you as romantic when you were young? your bicol poems, tigsik, were my favorite. you were also an expert on numbers. thing that kol nong, te lhers and dhen fell heir to, to my misfortune and mhie perhaps. you did act as my tutor for a brief week when i was in highschool, too bad i didnt share your fondness for numbers. what i did have is your humor, and ton and lab too, especially kol nong and many others. wish you could tell funny stories again, the ones abruptly paused by your loud hearty laugh. kol nong is fond of doing that too. remember your favorite dolphy show and how it summoned your thunderous belly laugh each thursday nights? that was crazy. that show and the daily news programs were shows you never wanted to miss.  it was almost imperative that anyone who happened to be with you pay attention to the news too. you were hard on hearing and would oftentimes ask what the news was about all after the seemingly focused attention you give the TV. usually drew a laugh from us and a cuss from you when no one bothered to catch the news. it was amusing when you’re pissed, cursing out loud. well, you never really got angry as often and as loud as you’d curse. i like that about you. you’re as calm and as gentle as one could ever be, except when cursing. well, it was an expression, i know. i could count with fingers on one hand the number of times you had lost your temper. you always kept your cool and would rather face life in an easy, contented, comic way. almost childish even. showed a lot when you play dama, your favorite past time. i missed playing that game or at least seeing you and ton slugged it out. you really enjoyed playing it, especially each time you won–which was almost always–and then there came the all-time paold belly laugh after each match almost mocking. we also played billiards one time, it surprised me that you could pocket some balls, but then it includes angles and estimation, so why the hell did i wonder. aside from these pastimes, when not pre occupied, you would sleep. you sleep a lot sleepyhead. we used to be bedmates. as consistent as the sun’s setting were your power yawns which were half as loud as your sneeze and had about the same decibels as your belly laugh. then followed by your power snore moments later. equally bizarre were your activities like filing your finger nails with mere gillette, weekly visit to your favorite barber for your otherwise baldy head and  the ceremonial application of pomada never a gel. you were also a good whistler, an extremely neat and organized person, you never stuttered, always relaxed, good conversationalist, bad listener–i mean bad on hearing, a one funny old man. not only were you an interesting   person, you also possessed the gentlest of heart. never had i met someone with an ever cool temper and one who’s so thoughtful and caring. i saw how concerned you were when kol nong was sick, checking the forehead for temperature, constantly asking how he felt and all. exactly how a worried dad attends to his bunso. you showed and would show the same care and concern to any of us. i just hope you’d feel the same now that you need that same care more than ever. i was stunned when i saw you again, half the weight lost all in a month. as if something ripped your health away. our comic paold, our ever-gentle ever-loving paold. it was a shame we had to move your birthday celebration a day earlier, i mean we’re no Gloria, and your birthday was not a regular holiday or something. but then it made sense, today on your very special day, you could barely talk or recognize us anymore. it hurts rushing you now to the very place you dislike most. much more to see ton place his hand on your chest greeting you a happy birthday, the saddest greeting i’ve ever heard. nothing much i can do, holding your hand i don’t have the strength to utter even a single word. just staring at you and the cold presence of an emergency kit inside this moving vehicle. but the ominous siren is not wailing. perhaps it’s not that serious. i know. i’m fooling myself.

keeping the dream alive

June 11, 2009

“scientist, astronaut, police officer or engineer, what do you want  to be when you grow up?”,  ”scientist”, said i. the naivety of a child is amusing. i’m sure kids had been asked, at one point, this jaded question. it only shows how we, by culture or norm, are so  driven by dreams and aspirations that it’s almost a requisite for  kids to have one way before they learn the twinkle-twinkle song. the thing is, what most fail to realize is that dreams is something that is supposed to be pursued. can’t blame kids if no one bothers to explain that the question when answered doesn’t end there, that they need to work on it.  of course we figure it out as we grow up. each of us has his dreams, ambitions, goals and desires, what’s interesting is that we were introduced to the concept of dreams and ambitions at so young an age that we have plenty of time–practically a  lifetime–before us to achieve it, and achieving it is the hard part. involves tremendous will and determination peppered by challenges and sacrifices before one could live their dreams in the real world. sad how some settle for something less, when dreams stays as dreams and the will to achieve it dies along with their hope of ever realizing it. 
i too have been struggling to reach what i want in life. in retrospect, it has been a fair attempt, though what i am now is nothing close to being a scientist, not that i wanted to be one. in any case, let this post serve as a reference as i take yet another shot at pursuing my dreams, and when everything is settled in the future when my dreams turns into reality, i sure am going to pay a visit and perhaps leave a personal comment saying “damn i made it”.

bless the drunks

June 10, 2009

   

when demon bless the booze and losers take some swigs, damn the greatest of blunder occurs. that which tops the chart for most pathetic. snafus are left in the wake of fools that had too much to drink and can’t take any sense of control over themselves. have they always been under the false assumption that heavy drinking makes license for stupid theatrics which they can always get away with? booze loosens the tongue, where one could say words his sober self could not as much as utter, much more yell while sobbing. pathetic. worse when the tongue turns into sharp  uncontrollable butcher knife slashing and hacking anyone with mere offending words. it’s also funny how these bastards amp up their arsenal when drunk. to them alcohol is what spinach is to Popeye, a sudden upgrade on guts, bravery and–the one thing i could never stand–dauntlessness all for show. the kind that would never surface unless aided by toxicity. pathetic coward bastards. when will they ever realize that everything’s an illusion. nothing’s real except the disdain of the inconvenienced. the devil’s playing with their feeble minds. or is it even fair that we drag the devil into whatever fuck ups caused by these drunkards, even it would cry foul. it’s all about the drunkards, their boo boos and nothing else, blaming it to the booze is even lame. if they could only find what little inner strength they have to control this insanity, self destruction and self humiliation. i have nothing against drunks just the nasty unacceptable craps they do under the influence.