Friendship: Ideal foundation for love

Friendship lays a strong foundation for love. If you want to win your lady's heart, you could either take the fast, aggressive approach of telling her upfront you like her or opt for the slow but treacherous path of friendship. If you are the type of person who'd rather cut to the chase and profess love right away, you'll get your yes or no much sooner and upfront. If it's a yes, then it's a sweet victory in so much less a time for you. If it's a no, it still is a win as it saves you the time and the effort to instead go after and pursue the right girl who'd give you your yes. Just remember, there will always be a yes buried in thousands of nos. Now if you're the type who'd rather invest your time getting to know the girl you like, spending the time with her, doing activities typical friends do; basically anything short of branding yourself a suitor, a lover and the likes, then choose the path of friendship. The treacherous yet rewarding path of friendship. Why treacherous, you say? One word. Friendzone. In here, you play a dangerous game of digging a deep enough friendship that's neither too shallow nor way far down the surface enough to cave in on you lending you stuck in the wicked world of friendzone, which is a nasty, nasty place. It is a place you don't want to be in so striking the right balance between too shallow and too deep a friendship is crucial. So what do you do? First, of course, approach her and introduce yourself in a friendly, but not overfriendly, manner. Meaning not too casual to leave zero impression, for she'll forget your name the next time you meet; but not too creepy to scare her away, for she'll remember your face 'til kingdom come. Again, strike the right balance. As I said, this is crucial. Now that you've introduced yourself, don't hang around and start "being" friends with her. Let it settle, let it steam. Wait it out, do other stuff for a couple of days. As one of my favorite TV characters pointed out, "even Jesus waited three days before he resurrected, so do so as well". After 3 days, or well, realistically the next day, talk to her but not excitedly, all right. Casual, that's the key. Now if she remembers your name that's when you'll know that you made an impact on your first meet, which should definitely light up your face and paint a huge smile on it, only it should not so don't appear to be exhilarated. Always remember the operative word, casual. Now this is the time, my friend, to start to be friends with her. To be friends with her, and with her other girl friends. You heard that right. Girls love to be with other girls. They hang out together and do stuff together, so the girl you like probably shall have a bunch of her own girl friends and if your lucky, you'll get introduced to them. Now remember the building the foundation of friendship thing I mentioned, this is one situation where if you react incorrectly, you'll dig your shovel a little too far down, way closer to the friendzone, which is a nasty, nasty place you don't want to be in. So maybe, as my other TV favorite had put it, your best course would be to tread lightly. How? say hi. And smile. That's it. Do not engage her friends too much, atleast not just yet. Turn your attention back to her and strike a conversation, a casual conversation. Just like how a new friend would talk to a new friend, light, funny--just so you could flash a stunning smile or two, if you're gifted with killer smiles. Talk lightly about anything but her social number. Again, casual. Do these things ever so often, every chance you get, every time you "incidentally" meet. Talk to her friends but talk more to her, spend time with her friends but spend even more time with her. Do not isolate her from her friends, immerse yourself instead. Eventually, you'll find yourself accepted, treated as one within her circle of friends. Now that you know her, she knows you and her friends know you, it's time to do your research. Ask around and find out what her likes are, her dislikes, her sports, the movies she watches, books she reads, her pets, her pet peeves, anything. Anything that would help you build a stronger foundation of your well, friendship. Who to ask, you say? Of course, your new friends. Her friends which has now become your also friends. Reach out to them, talk to them, bond with them, do what typical girl-boy friends do, in short befriend them. Do your reconnaissance casually, not obviously, so as not to raise suspicion. If you want to know her favorite food ask her friends which places they frequent pigging out, what sports they like to play. Here and there you'll get some drops and hints from them and know more about her and more importantly, them, your new friends. So be a true friend to them because later on they shall play a crucial role. Keep in mind that the way you treat them now will impact the way they'll treat you down the stretch. And if you're lucky, they'd all be likeable and fun to be with. You might ask me, would being friends with her and her friends render me closer to that nasty, nasty place of friendzone? If I’m friends with her friends, how do I now treat her differently? Now this, my friend, is where the difference between digging deeper into the friendzone versus landing right at the sweet spot of friends-which-could-be-more-than-friends is set. Many people are dragged into the friendzone for failing to realize when to quit being a truefriend-friend and when to start establishing the "I’m your friend, but I could be more than a friend"-friend until it's too late. So to duck this dreaded catastrophe, you need to shift from being a truefriend-friend(TFF)into a morethanafriend-friend MFF), the sooner the better. Here's how. First, treat her friends as how you'd treat your other friends but do not treat her the same. Meaning, if you spend time with her friends, you need to spend "extra" time with her. When you find her alone, talk to her. Use the information you've gathered from her friends. If you're any good with your ninja info gathering techniques, by now you should have known her likes and dislikes, her interests, her passion. Having known all of these allows you to handle the conversation with ease and confidence. Now go ahead and listen to her story. This is the time to dig deeper. Learn more about her straight from her, not her friends. This is when you delve a little bit into her personal side; her past experiences, things and people she hates, things and people she loves. However, look for cues. If at any point in your conversation you find her a bit uncomfortable, stop. If she likes you, she'll openly share things about herself you wouldn’t even have to ask. And if she likes you the way you like her, she'll tell you things she never told her friends before. That, my friend, should definitely light up your face and paint a huge smile on it, only this time you can freely show it as this marks the sweet transition from TFF to MFF. If you enjoy her company and you want to drag on the TFF part do so at your own liking and, of course, risk. But if you come to the point you decide to initiate the MFF phase, then, my friend, welcome to the last leg of the race. You may start asking her out to watch a movie, just you two alone. If your ninja moves are any good, you have had been joining her and her friends watching movies, playing basketball or tennis and any other "group" activities you were invited in, or you invited yourself in, in the last few months. See what I did there, invited yourself in. Start the transition from a TFF to MFF by doing these same activities minus both your other friends. Walk in the park, eat out, watch movies, see games, everything, but just the two of you. Remember what I said earlier about how you treat her friends will impact how they treat you later down the stretch? This is the "down the stretch" part and both your friends not minding you two alone doing what had been months ago group activities and be supportive of it, that means they approve of what you intend to do. Your intention of bringing it to the next level from being just a friend to being more. With the strong foundation you've built, having spent time knowing her and her friends, sharing activities and experiences with her and her friends and extricating yourself away from that nasty, nasty place, I'd say now is the time to pursue her. You basically have just laid the foundation for love. You have won her friends, now you need to win her heart. But that, my friend, I’ll leave up to you. How you would do it lies in you hands. Only thing you and I will share in this experience is the path you and I took, this treacherous yet rewarding path of friendship and making it a very good foundation for love. Of course, you and I could have chosen the easier way and save ourselves the time and all, but thank God we did not. From my personal experience, there was this one person I knew who took his shot and told the girl I like upfront his intention, only to fail miserably that I felt sorry for him. I could have easily been him, but I chose the other path, the long and treacherous path. And I’d say after all those cherished moments, fond memories and experiences we shared since we first met, I soon won her sweet yes. And as fate would have it twelve years later, her long awaited...I do.