pulling the trigger

oh yes i pulled the trigger. probably not the best expression (awfully suggestive of self-slaughter) but that was how the boss put it, one clever man when it comes to double-meanings. a career suicide was how he saw it and i couldn't blame him. he put me where i am now. i recognized how determined he was in convincing me that what i'm about to do is impractical, insane and plain stupid. one who quits his job without having landed another one yet definitely falls under crazy or dumb. he tried talking me into reconsidering my decision, which i appreciated, but despite the superb sales man that he is, i just didn't buy it. so pull the trigger i did and i'm now two days away from officially hanging my admin hat or CS headset, whichever is official. for him, my giving up the post didn't make any sense, more like kicking the bucket but i just saw it differently. he may have assumed i haven't thought it through well enough. things happened so suddenly as though my resignation letter was one huge practical joke and i was waiting for him to freak out. except i was serious, and his reaction, just pure shock. i immediately felt sorry. but the corporate world knows no emotion, or so tin said. i believe her. they'll get by without me. and as for me, stupid or not stupid i have to be where i have to be. with my family. end of story.

game face on

first quarter of my existence is slowly slipping past and what have i been up to all these years? let me see. i partition man's life into quarters. mine is ninety, i don't expect man to live over ninety, i just dont. so i take my entire ninety years of existence, divide it into three, refer to it as quarters--like in basketball--and figure out what to do with it. so it's three thirties all in all and the first quarter is almost up. i could almost hear the whistle blowing. life has no timeouts and i'm doing the analysis before the quarter ends--how am i doing, how good have i played the game, or how bad. jeez, never thought i'd be this bad a coach to myself. i'm fine alright, no ugly injuries so far, superb defense all through out. could've been a perfect game you know, except the defense. it has been pure defense all along and ironically almost nil in the offense department. i played safe, a little bit too safe to start an early lead in life. defense wins championships, or so they say, but one also needs to take his shots to light up the scoreboard. what good a tough defense is if the score is static. not to mention the possibility that the opponent could always hit a lucky shot.so its the offense then that's lacking. no wonder i'm stuck in this same ground. i've made myself too comfortable by taking advantage of the very court i've grown too familiar with. too much familiarity begets complacency. i've been fighting my battles in the same court using the same plays, the same smarts, the same defense which landed me right where i am now. little have i realized how small the playing ground have become and that i've been stuck in this same place for quite long already. no more growth, no more movement. now it's time to change strategy, need to do it soon to beat the buzzer. i've to work on my offense, develop it even more, put my gameface on, be bold, be agressive. it's just time to leave the familiar court behind and start to rattle cages that are bigger, better, and more competetive, if not cutthroat. starting all over again will never be easy, that's given, a gamble i need to take. but who knows, i might just hit my own lucky shot and start from there.